This Aint About the Things You Say

Love is a funny thing. You can do something wrong, and the other person could be saddened by you or disappointed or angry, but the love just keeps growing. And in a short moment, there are no words of despair or resentment, only expressions of love and passion. This is not to say that you can never do anything wrong with love, it just means that there will always be someone to share in your embarrassment and your mistakes. This is the world we live in folks, embrace it and wonder at it, because love is something that even the best theorists and philosophers still marvel over.

all my sincerity and appreciation
Steve

If the plane goes down...then what happens next?

Sometimes Priorities Take Priority

Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care,
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast
-Macbeth

So goodnight everyone. The ones you love will be there waiting for you when you awaken, this I can promise. As you dream about waking actions, those closest to you are lying awake, thinking about you dreaming, longing for your love and imagining your voice conversing with theirs.

all my love and longing
Steve

If the plane goes down...then what happens next?

Wishy Washy

So, as usual, people's moods changed and things are better. Love made it through her surgery just fine. Everyone is feeling better and Love just happened to put my world back into perspective. I still really want to go back to school though. I get to see Beautiful all day, well, most of the day Friday, and some of the day Saturday, so this is looking good. You know, I don't have much to write in this one. But it's amazing how hearing Gorgeous talk about the way things really are, like they're never as bad as they seem, really makes me feel better. I'm the luckiest, most cliche guy to have a girl like her. :-p So, for now, goodnight all. Goodnight Love. Sweet dreams all. And remember, if you get overwhelmed, remember that there's someone out there that doesn't have a clouded mind that can help you work through it, you just have to find them and talk their ear off. :-)

all my love and gratitude
Steve

If the plane goes down...then what happens next?

Counting the Days that I Must Spend Counting

I really really want to go back to school. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be home. I want to go back. I don't want to deal with these issues that I got away from. i don't want to see the people that I left and I don't want to hear about the things that I tried to block out. I want to go back to school. I want to be with the girl that I love and learn about things that I want to know more about. I want to make my own schedule again and I want to be able to make decisions for myself again. I don't want to be here. There are just under two weeks left and it's going to be a struggle to make it. I do not want to be here anymore. I want to go back. Please, I just want to go back.

For You Love

Love, I wish you the best of luck. I'm here for you, regardless of when you read this, and I'll be praying for you these next few days, all while thinking of you constantly. I love you.

Two More Weeks Folks

There's this slow process taking place before our eyes my friends; the slow and steady deterioration of my mental stability while here at home. I feel it slipping. I said before that things were getting better. This may still be true, yet not as assuredly as earlier. I realized that things only seem to be getting better when I find bits and pieces of that life that I had back at school. When those pieces leave, even if temporarily, I start to kind of lose touch with that confidence and happiness that I knew at school. I run into that feeling of "ok, how do I deal with this now?" and it's like rather than helping make positive things happen, I spend my time attempting to avoid and repair the bad things and if a good things just happens to happen, then great.

I am miserable at home. It's as simple as that. As with everything, I have my moments where it's nice to be home. But those moments are quickly outweighed by the difficulties brought about by coming back home. I just don't want to be here anymore. I want to be back at school, that's it. Maybe this too is a passing state, things've changed quickly before. But the more I think about it, I realize that things have changed for me, yet have not changed for my parents. Thus, with my new adaptations and my new ways of doing things and all that, my whole transformation of how I view things, with that whole shift, my life gets really tough because there is so much resistance and they understand so little now that things just don't work out between us anymore. I've realized that the way that they see things, especially the way my mom sees things, is greatly skewed and after going away, getting away from that whole bias thing, I've developed that whole ability to view situations with a better and less objective mindset. With a little help from Gorgeous and just being out almost on my own, not quite though, I've made this shift and it's really made me realize that my parents, all this time, have been the ones that have been wrong (sometimes, not always). Now, when I go with what I feel is right, I no longer wind up going with what they see as right, and that means that they see me doing the wrong thing which leads to issues.

It's just tough. I really really want to go back to school. And quite frankly, for the next four months that we're there, I do not want to come back home, it's as simple as that. I'll talk to my parents on the phone, but I do not want to go through this separation from the life that I now favor. That's all I have for you. New views do not mix with old habits, remember that. But there're just two more weeks of work and then I'm back to life and love, so, I'll tough it out, and you'll be there to witness it with me. Good luck, and happy new year.

all my sincerity and best wishes
Steve

If the plane goes down...then what happens next?