Home for the Holidays (Part Thanksgiving)

So, yesterday was the day that I returned home for Thanksgiving. I started, and ended my day, with my English class at 8:10 in the morning. As that was the only class I had all day, my time was spent with Makeamistake or by myself. After several hours of anticipating the ride home with Mistake's family, me and Mistake rolled into the parking lot of a local pizza place, her family entertaining us the whole way there. Once inside, we ordered our dinners (subs and a bag of chips) and sat down to eat. We talked about family, we talked about school. We cracked jokes and told stories, and after another half an hour on the road, I found myself at home, Mistake and her family easing their way up my driveway and onto the busy main road.

So, what I learned yesterday is that my roommate is um, far from the best roomie. Now, I've known this for quite some time, but recently it's been far more apparant. My candy's been disappearing, and his constant occupation of the World of Warcraft universe is far too much to bear. He then maintains his reservations regarding my taste in music, sports, tv, friends, and anything else really. Basically, his only likes include things related to video games. His life is video games. In a recent conversation, he mentioned to me his reconsidering of his major. He went on to say that he doesn't "care what he does, as long as he has enough money to survive. If he could get by, he'd be happy working at Market Basket." Hm, what lofty aspirations. Now, for those of you working in such a position, I am not speaking against your lifestyle. But we are currently addressing a kid whose father makes a six figure salary in business, and who can do things when he puts his mind to it. the tragedy of this case is that this boy's lack of drive will ultimately take him nowhere.

But apart from roommate troubles, things are alright. I'm at home right now, sitting in the dark in the computer/music room with my guitar resting on my lap, not playing it, but knowing that should the inspiration strike, I could bust out a Dave Matthews song.

I don't have much else to tell you really. For humor, I refer you to KTMack. For lessons, Make a Mistake. And to satiate that craving for printed soaps, Basiorana. Me, I analyze. I look at life and say, why? Cliche?...yeah, I know. But really. I've built my life on looking at situations and trying to figure out why it went one way and how it could've gone another. Is that living in regret, denial, refusal? I'm not sure. I know that usually, I look at what could be, and that leads me to not see what I have. It's like, I am incredibly happy with what's been given to me and what I've earned, but I still see that faint shadow of how much more I could have. But I'm getting rid of that shadow slowly. I'm learning that it's what you have that makes up your life--go figure.

For one example of such an instance, let's take assuredness, truth, knowlege. I don't like to argue, because I know that as avidly as I advocate my point, the fact remains that the other person shares in my certainty that their stance is correct as well. Thus, I second guess myself. My position quickly shifts from definding my position to attempting to accept the other view. Yet in my mind, my stance is still correct. This then leads to the assimilation of two right choices, a physical impossibility in many circumstances.

For further exemplum, I quote Dave Matthews, as I often do when trying to gain a new vantage point on life:
"Once upon a time, when the world was just a pancake, fears would arise that if you went too far you'd fall. But with the passage of time, it all became more of a ball. We're as sure of that as we all once were when the world was flat."

So you see, we were absolutely positive, without a doubt, that the world was flat. That changed and left everyone in the early centuries with a sense of incorrectness. So I look at a situation and think, I'm right, I have it figured out. When someone disagrees, usually, not all the time mind you, I will almost second guess myself. As I fear I'm beating a dead horse, I won't continue. Just remember not to do that. I've grown bored of the topic.

But for now, I leave you with one simple lesson: Defend what you believe in, I learned that quite late in life, and owe this revelation to someone incredibly dear to me. Know that you could be wrong, but know that people learn from being wrong, and people teach from being wrong. If you have enough support to convince yourself that something is true, then that's all the support you need. Do not bend your will to agree to another, do not disregard your beliefs to suit another's. I say this not as an incitement to rebel. You will know when to hold true. Simply put, you could be right, you could be wrong, but don't make yourself be wrong, because after all, you could be right, right?

Goodnight all, and good luck.

If the plane goes down...what happens next?

The first step is hardest of all

So, I s'pose I'll start by saying this initial blog will be nothing more than an introduction. I'm putting a time limit on it, as I do with many things in my life. As you read, you'll get lost, you'll learn some things, disregard others. You'll find yourself drowning in my stream of consciousness and, hopefully, continue to return in hopes that your chuckle bucket will overflow with the bits and pieces of verbage that I throw at you.

I find that getting started is the hardest part of many things. Once you get going, it's easy sailing. If you plan how to act before you start acting, you'll find yourself lost when things don't go as planned. That's where that whole "fly by the seat of your pants" mantra works out. I've spent so many days planning and worrying of what could be. Often times, that results in the fears coming true. I've determined that when you think things through too much, you look past the obvious. So, lesson 1: don't anticipate, react.

As you do things, you'll realize that you can handle what you set out to do. No matter how tough something seems, you'll get it done. Why do I sound so certain? Because it's true. Everything will work out. It has to. It's as simple as that. If you reject failure, if you reject anything less than the result you're looking for, then you'll get what you want. ----- I step to the side here to read what I wrote. Now, think to yourself, do you believe that? Your answer should be no. Here's why:

If you try for perfection, as I used to do, you'll not find it. If you refuse to accept anything less than ideal, then you will not be satisfied, you'll live in regret, and you'll live your life driven to fix your errors and anticipating the development of future troubles. So, as you've been told before, do your best. If you do all you can with what you're given, then nothing more can be expected and the result will be what was meant to be. This I learned after many sleepless nights and many tearfilled days.

This blog today was dull. It was preachy and told you nothing of what I do nor who I am. Why, because it's late, and I have this urgent feeling that I could be doing something more productive, as I have neglected my actual journal in which I haven't written in weeks. So much has changed and I find myself filling my time with anything other than catching up on what I failed to state in my personal writings. So, for now, I leave you with a little reminder that it's not what you do that makes you who you are. You are defined by the company you keep and how well you keep it. If you surround yourself with the truest friends and the deepest loves, then we will see who you are. The trick is, you will develop those loves and those friendships by committing acts which draw others closer to you. Closer than you ever thought possible. You'll be surprised how understanding that perfection is an idealized falacy of reality can better your life. Take it easy, it will work out, and for now, remember that things change, and if you change with them, you will never say to yourself "damn, I was closer before."

If the plane goes down...what comes next?